


Babe, my Babe

by mirkwood131



Series: EXO Central [8]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Adoption, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Do Kyungsoo | D.O/Kim Jongin | Kai, OT9 - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-22
Updated: 2018-01-22
Packaged: 2019-03-07 22:41:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13444929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mirkwood131/pseuds/mirkwood131
Summary: Chanyeol and Baekhyun have been happily together for a couple of years now. But what happens when the spotlight doesn't make Baekhyun as joyful as before because he wants something more? Because he wants a baby with Chanyeol?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Erbyrose](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Erbyrose/gifts).



> I decided to split this work into 3 chapters, just because I feel like it makes it flow much better.  
> Anyways, as you will see during the next couple of chapters, this entire prompt that you have given me has developed into something more and I hope that you will enjoy this. I am not sure that this is what you had in mind, but hopefully it isn't too too terrible either. :)

The day started with the alarm clock ringing 7 times in a row before it was shut down to silence and placed upside down onto the bedside table. Two feet touched the cold floor as the bed creaked and the white blanket was immediately thrown to the side. Not even the sun was shining between the opened blinds, only a grey light was managing to illuminate the room and cast heavy shadows over the two man.

“Baekhyun…come back. The practice is only at 8.” a voice said from the bed. His hand was patting the place where the indentation of a body was still visible.

“I’m going for a run, Chanyeol.” he said, slowly stretching his limbs. “You could join, you know.”

A laugh escaped his lips as a pillow flew through the air at the same moment. It missed his head by a couple of centimeters. Instead, it hit the guitar leaning on the closet.

“Or you could join me…” Chanyeol smirked, giving the other a knowing glance.

“Tempting. But I still need to go for a run.” Baekhyun said, picking out his clothes discarded on the dusty floor. He was only wearing his red boxer briefs.

Chanyeol kept looking at his skin, at the way his bones, his ribs and clavicles were a little too prominent, too visible underneath the flesh. Right above the hem of his undergarment laid a small, greenish-purple mark. One of the only places where he could leave it, not worrying that someone might spot it by accident. He smiled, feeling a thrill run down his spine.

“You and your runs. It’s like me and my coffee. Only that my coffee doesn’t make me want to wake up early.” Chanyeol laughed, scratching at his back.

The last time Baekhyun had been on a running frenzy was before he had asked Chanyeol on a date, almost 3 and a half years ago.

“They make me feel better.” Baekhyun said, already dressed in a pair of black trousers and a loose fitted t-shirt. Even though it was mid-September, it was still quite warm and pleasant outside.

“If you didn’t dance almost every day, I might buy it.” Chanyeol said. “Fucking burns calories too. And it’s pleasurable. Running is only sweaty and tiring minus the orgasm.”

“I might be late. You guys can start without me.” Baekhyun said, as he was browsing through his phone.

“I might oversleep.” Chanyeol yawned and turned on the other side of the bed.

He didn’t hear Baekhyun opening the door and stepping out of the room; not even his alarm clock ringing at 7:30 sharp. What woke him up were loud voices on the hallway, right in front of the door to their bedroom.

“Fuck.” he mumbled, rubbing his eyes.

Not even after so many years, he couldn’t remember the number-10?-had he come to enjoy the long dance routines that could last for hours without an end. And the end would have usually been him falling down on the floor from exhaustion. Baekhyun had always seemed to enjoy the effort. He was always calmer and more composed after those strenuous practices. They almost made him look his age.

30\. 30 years old.

Chanyeol couldn’t believe that in a couple of months he would turn 30 too. It definitely had felt like less years had passed over them. Not almost 11 of dancing, recording, singing, traveling and holding concerts. Acting happy at every step.

There was no denying. Chanyeol was happy in his own kind of way. He had Baekhyun and the life that he had always envisioned for himself since he had been so small. But it had kept becoming more and more tiring with time. Nothing, not even the fame or the money were tasting just as sweet as before. A lazy morning spent in bed with Baekhyun felt better than anything else.

“Chanyeol. Wake up. The practice starts in like…12 minutes.” he heard Kyungsoo’s voice beaming through the walls and door.

“A moment!” he yelled, grabbing the sweats and t-shirt from the chair next to him; his stomach grumbled in displeasure as he threw a mint into his mouth and rushed out of the door, almost knocking the other down.

“When will you actually learn? Or become an adult?” Kyungsoo said.

He was already a couple of steps in front of him while Chanyeol was still attempting to put on his crumpled t-shirt.

“I’m incorrigible.” he laughed. The sleepiness had yet to leave his body.

Kyungsoo yawned. “I can’t wait to go on a vacation. No, actually just do nothing all day.”

It was true. For 3 months they had been working every day on different projects, choreographies, concerts and shows. And nothing was over yet. What it seemed like was that the hardest part was about to come: the concerts.

“You could get an early retirement.” Chanyeol said, right when they entered the room where they had been practicing in for the past year.

“Or you could shove a sock down your mouth.” Kyungsoo said and Chanyeol ruffled his hair with a grin on the face.

Everyone was already inside, and even though Chanyeol knew that Kyungsoo had always liked being punctual, they had always waited one another, even when being late. It was their “thing”. Practically, being late together.

“Sleeping beauty is here!” Jongdae yelled and reached forward to pat Chanyeol’s back.

Even Baekhyun was already inside, leaning on the wall and staring blankly at his shoes. So, Chanyeol walked over to him, with the biggest smile that he could muster at that hour.

“How was the run?”

“Great.” Baekhyun said.

He threw Chanyeol a quick glance before he squeezed his shoulder and strode towards the rest of them, who were quietly talking to one another.

The practice took its natural course, starting with a warm up that left Chanyeol feeling tired and sweaty, so, next to him on the floor, there were two damp towels and a big bottle of water; the morning turned into noon, and at the end of it, he was almost limping towards a chair, as he had managed to acquire far too many blisters all over his feet.

That’s why he looked up to Baekhyun-who was always dancing with ease and a joy on his face-or Kyungsoo, who couldn’t be bothered to give a damn about it, but in the end, his moves were rather sharp and precise.

Sweat was trickling down his body, down to his boxers, creating a small puddle straight on the chair. His routine was still-as Jongin had put it during the practice-“like an old man with arthritis trying to do ballet”-but he still had time to catch up.

“Chanyeol…when you don’t look about to die-just do everything again.” Jongin said to him.

“Yes. Got it.” he said, barely managing to hide a sigh from escaping his lips.

Theoretically, the day was free from that point on. But only in theory.

Baekhyun had a variety show to film that exact day, a couple of them were busy with other promotion activities, which meant that he was all alone for the rest of the time.

He saw Baekhyun from the corner of his eye leaving the room so he sprinted towards him, while still trying to catch his breath.

“Baek!” he said and the other stopped.

“I should hurry a bit. I don’t want to be late.” Baekhyun said, starting to walk again.

“It’s only 3.”

But that didn’t make the other pace remotely slower. As they entered their bedroom, Baekhyun had already started discarding his clothes on the floor, leaving him almost naked before the other’s eyes.

Chanyeol quickly followed Baekhyun into the bathroom while attempting to slip out of his clothes as rapidly as he could; he stepped straight into the shower before the other could say anything about it.

“We are saving water this way.” Chanyeol laughed and took the shower gel from the rack; he began to lather some shower gel on the other’s naked torso.

“If you say so.” Baekhyun said.

“What’s on your mind?” he asked and then, Baekhyun turned around to face the wall.

Chanyeol’s fingers were gently rubbing some spots on the skin, massaging the shoulders and hipbones. The skin was hot and soft underneath his touch, the pads going over small moles from time to time.

“A lot.” he said, turning back round.

Chanyeol kept silent afterwards, washing off the foam from his body and then crouching down to his knees.

“Chanyeol. We don’t have time.” Baekhyun said, but giggled nonetheless when the other’s lips touched him.

“I’ll make it quick.” he said and when Baekhyun climaxed a couple of minutes later, he couldn’t stop the smirk that blossomed on his lips.

“I told you.”

“I have to tell you something. And promise me you won’t get all weird.” Baekhyun said, stepping out of the shower.

He picked a towel and wrapped it around his waist, offering another one to Chanyeol.

“When have I ever done that?” he asked, but he couldn’t deny the anxiety that was bubbling inside his chest.

He had never liked it when Baekhyun started a conversation in this way. Even though he had known the other for more than a decade, and had been together as a couple for 3 years, he sometimes still couldn’t understand him.

Chanyeol thought of himself that he was a fairly simple man to read.

“I want to adopt a kid. A baby. I want to have a kid, actually.” Baekhyun said, still not even looking at Chanyeol, but staring at a dust ball on the floor.

That was something that he had never expected to hear from the other.

“I knew you’d freak out.” Baekhyun said and finally turned around.

The air was rather stifling inside the bathroom, as no window was opened and the steam was clinging to everything.

“Forget about it.”

“No. I didn’t freak out.” Chanyeol said but he didn’t even believe himself.  _Yes, of course I freaked out. Why would you want to have a kid?! Right now?!!_

Wanting a kid was the least he had envisioned to hear from the other. Or, more so, something Baekhyun would want so badly.

“You freaked out. Your fingers are digging into my wrist. And you’re doing again that thing.”

“What thing?”

“Chewing the inside of your mouth.” Baekhyun said and sighed. He rapidly opened the window and walked out of the room without waiting for Chanyeol.

“I’m just surprised. That’s all. I did not expect it. At all.” Chanyeol said, wrapping his arms around Baekhyun’s middle.

“It’s fine if you don’t want it. It’s not like we are married or anything like that…” Baekhyun said and the words stung Chanyeol.  _I wish we were._

He leaned on his shoulder and quietly hummed a lullaby.

“I want a kid if you want a kid.” Chanyeol said.

In all honesty, Chanyeol wasn’t certain that he actually wanted one, or at least not at this age. What he was finding harder to understand was the other’s sudden wish.

“That’s not how it works and you know it.” Baekhyun said, facing him. “I’m going to that stupid variety show, alright? You have some time to think about it and tell me…I don’t want to force you into anything.” he continued and chastely kissed him on the lips.

Chanyeol wasn’t sure what would happened if he said no, but he didn’t actually want to find the answer.

After Baekhyun eventually left, Chanyeol found himself staring at the ceiling, trying to imagine his life with a kid in it. His already complicated enough life with a child in it to make it even more complicated. He didn’t particularly like the sound of it. But, thinking more about it, he considered that he was rather good with children and that children, for the most part, actually liked him. After all, they would be two.

He stood up rashly, hitting his head on the headboard, and rushed into the hallway, knocking on the door next to theirs.

“What?!”

“I need advice.”

Chanyeol pressed the door knob and entered the dimly lighted room. Kyungsoo was tucked underneath a tome of blankets with the laptop opened on top of them.

“It got to be important.” he said, yawning.

Chanyeol crawled next to him, covering himself with the blankets, leaning on Kyungsoo’s shoulder. His body immediately relaxed, as the warmth emanating from the other was seeping into his skin.

“I hate that movie.”

“You said you wanted to talk not critique my film choices.” Kyungsoo huffed.

“They are bad nonetheless.” Chanyeol laughed far too loudly. “Baekhyun wants to adopt a kid.”

“Oh.” Kyungsoo said after a while, not even bothering to turn off the laptop. The characters were still lowly talking through the speakers as Chanyeol was wishing that he would be one of them.

“That’s your advice?”

“My advice is to talk to him.” Kyungsoo said.

“I did. And he said that I have time to think about it while he’s out…what if he breaks up with me if I don’t say yes?“ Chanyeol mumbled into Kyungsoo’s neck.

"So you don’t want a kid?”

“What do I know? I can barely wake up on time or remember a damn schedule….” he said, slowly scratching a spot on his hand. “If I say no, Baekhyun will break up with me and still adopt. And I don’t want a break up.” Chanyeol said, trying to follow the characters’ dialogue. All he could hear were Baekhyun’s words.

“Tell him that you are not ready right now, but that in time you’ll be up for it.” Kyungsoo said, brushing his fingers through Chanyeol’s hair. He eventually shut the laptop close and placed it on the side of the bed. Chanyeol realized that the silence made everything even worse and even more serious.

“You would make a great father. Plus, children like you and you like children. That would be the next natural step in your relationship.” Kyungsoo said, looking from time to time at the other.

“He said something about not being married…damn it! When everything was pretty good and calm…how would we have time for a kid!?” he said, more to himself. Quickly, it even came the realization that they would have even less time to spend together.

“Look. If you are not ready, just tell him that. Baekhyun loves you, right?” Kyungsoo said, suddenly averting his gaze to the wall.

Chanyeol felt that the discussion practically came to an end, so he didn’t even bother to tell the other that they had never told each other the three magical words.

There was no doubt in his mind that he loved Baekhyun, and he knew and felt it that Baekhyun loved him too, but for some reason, they had never said them. Not even during sex.

“Do you love me?” is what Chanyeol said instead with a small smile on his face.

“If I would get the chance, I’d cut off your head and turn you into ham.” Kyungsoo said.  _Of course I do. Too much, for my own sake._

In the end, Chanyeol was not certain whether or not he actually wanted a kid, but he was almost certain of his answer.

When he woke up it was pitch black in the room, and not only because of the curtains. Chanyeol was furiously rubbing his eyes, feeling his eyelids glued together. The thick darkness and low snores coming from the other were making him even more disoriented. Right next to him, hugging a pillow, Kyungsoo was still sleeping. He chuckled and covered him better with the blankets before he left the room.

When he stepped inside his shared bedroom, Baekhyun was already inside, putting a blue shirt on a hanger.

“How was it?”

“Boring. Did you take a nap?”

“A little.” Chanyeol said, stretching his limbs. “I want to adopt a kid with you.” he said, coming to hug the other from behind.

“Are you just saying it because you think you have to or…”

“I love you.” Chanyeol said, kissing his neck. “And I want to see you happy for all my life. I want to make you happy.”

“You are so cheesy.” Baekhyun said and Chanyeol somehow felt another sting. Instead of hearing back those three words, he heard something else. “I don’t want you to do something just for my sake.” he turned around to face him.

“I won’t. I truly won’t.” he said and quickly, he swirled Baekhyun around with a grin on his face.

“Chanyeoool! Put me down…” Baekhyun laughed and the other laid him down on the bed. “I love you too.” he said and Chanyeol’s heart felt a little bit lighter.

He kissed him gently on the lips, smiling, thinking at last that they would become a family. Almost. But it didn’t matter.  His pecks were trailing further down, onto his neck and clavicles, as Baekhyun was giggling underneath him.

“We could start looking for an adoption center. Or an orphanage and after we finish with the concerts, we could go there and adopt.” Baekhyun said and Chanyeol stopped his ministrations.

“Do you want a boy or a girl?” he asked, kissing him behind his ear.

In reality, Chanyeol would rather not have this conversation with Baekhyun. He would rather just keep silent and think over and over again about his decision.

“I haven’t thought…I want to…I’m not sure. You?” and Chanyeol didn’t know what to answer because only a couple of minutes ago he was still unsure of what to tell him.

“We’ll see then.” he smiled and crawled on a pillow.

“Keep kissing me…” Baekhyun laughed and pouted at him, so Chanyeol motioned him to come closer to him.

His thoughts were somewhere else, not there, with Baekhyun.

“You’ll make a great father.” the other said and he hummed in response. “And I should return the favor, right?"

 


	2. Chapter 2

As the days kept passing, filled by the strenuous dance practices and concert rehearsals, Chanyeol had less and less time to think about the reality of adopting a baby with Baekhyun. And when he was up there, on the stage, with thousands of people shouting his name and waving around light sticks, he could almost forget about everything that was bothering him. Those were the moments when he remembered why he had chosen that life, and hadn’t given up on it a long time ago.

He glanced at Baekhyun, and their eyes met for a fraction of a second, but it seemed enough for both of them. A smile spread across his face and he rashly grabbed Kyungsoo’s hand, instead of his boyfriend’s.

On stage, there was always a distance between the two of them. So, he would always choose Kyungsoo, his safe choice from the beginning. Sometimes, when he would break a boundary in his excitement to please the ones watching them, Baekhyun would throw him a reproachful glance, but afterwards they wouldn’t talk about any of it.

Up there, in front of the cheering crowd, he was happy, free of any problems and anxieties. And not because he was hiding them somewhere deep inside, but because when he was stepping onto it, nothing else mattered. It was the thrill of the moment, feeling high even after those years, knowing that all those people were there because of them.

He knew that not all of them were sharing his sentiments. Not Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo-who hated being in the spotlight, but somehow ended up like that. Baekhyun was like him, like Chanyeol, enjoying all the attention. But for a while, he couldn’t see that excitement in his eyes anymore. He wouldn’t smile just as brightly, or be as anxious and all over the place before a show.

When the entire month filled with concerts ended, Chanyeol felt like the adoption was something of the past and that in reality, they wouldn’t go through with it. But not even a day after they had returned to their dorm, Baekhyun brought up the subject:

“Tomorrow we are free and we could go see a couple of centers. I even found an orphanage nearby. What do you say?” he asked, looking up at Chanyeol who was playing a game on his phone.

“We could.” he said, glancing at Baekhyun.

“Are you getting weird once again?”

“No. I’m just excited.” Chanyeol said. _Do you actually think this is a good idea? That we will manage to take care of a kid?_

“I was just thinking. It’s nothing certain, just a thought. But what would you say about moving in with my folks? It would be easier to take care of a baby.” Baekhyun said and Chanyeol knew that he didn’t mean that much with his suggestion, but even like the idea was making him feel uncomfortable.

“We could.” is what he only said.

When the next day came, Chanyeol drank two coffees before they walked out of the door. He didn’t know why and Baekhyun didn’t say anything about it. Besides Kyungsoo, no one else knew about what they were about to do, and in a way, this information was making him feel more at peace.

“Where are you two going?” Jongdae asked, just as they were about to step out of the house.

“For a walk.” Baekhyun said and Jongdae didn’t prey them with another question; he only raised one eyebrow and continued his walk to the kitchen.

“It’s better that nobody knows just yet about it.” Baekhyun said once they were both in the car.

Chanyeol bit the inside of his cheek. “I told Kyungsoo about it.”

“Oh. And what did he say?”

“You know him. Not much.” Chanyeol said and in truth, Kyungsoo didn’t say almost anything when he gave him the news. Only congratulated him and his hand lingered for a little too long on his arm.

“It will be okay.” Baekhyun said and offered him a tight smile.

The ride with the car was silent, too silent for Chanyeol’s liking, not even the radio being turned on.

“We didn’t buy anything…” Chanyeol said out of the blue.

“Let’s just see if the child will be a boy or a girl. And then we could take care of that too.” Baekhyun smiled and patted the other’s hand.

The adoption center that they had stopped in front of was a bright yellow building, with a garden surrounding it.

When Chanyeol stepped out of the car, he sighed, realizing that his decision was final and that there was no time for regrets. In a way, he had nothing to lose. He wasn’t the one to adopt the child. But Baekhyun. Even though he knew all of that, he was aware of his responsibility. After all, it was him who cemented the other’s decision.

“Hello. We would like to adopt.” Baekhyun said to the woman at the front desk of the institution. Her half smile made Chanyeol become more aware of everything around him, as it didn’t stir inside of him any confidence.

“Follow me, please.” she said, leading them to what appeared to be a nursery.

Which in fact it was only a room with too many toys and small beds, filled with kids of various ages and a couple of caretakers watching over them.

“And what if I like all of them?” Baekhyun laughed and Chanyeol realized that it was the first time in a while that he had seen the other so happy. And he knew, deep down that he had made the right choice.

“I’ll leave you alone.” the woman said and Chanyeol was more than grateful for that.

Unsurprisingly enough, he thought that all the children were more than adorable, so he wasn’t exactly sure how Baekhyun would choose one. But then, he saw him stop in front of a wooden bed and a big and warm smile formed onto his face.

“Chanyeol. Come here.” he said, waving his hand in his direction.

There laid a small boy dressed in baby blue pajamas and a mop of dark hair on his head. He seemed to be smiling at them. At Baekhyun, who instantly picked him up and brought him to his chest.

“Chanyeol. I-I think he is the one.” Baekhyun said, grinning.

Chanyeol couldn’t see the baby’s face, but thought that as long as the other was happy, he could be happy too.

“Isn’t he so-so adorable?” he said, playing with his chubby hands. “Who is the most adorable baby in the world? You are.” he grinned, lightly tickling his belly.

“You should hold him while I sign the forms and everything.” Baekhyun said, passing the little boy to Chanyeol.

At first, the baby was silent, resting his head on his chest as Chanyeol was slowly rubbing circles on his back. But, after a short while, a loud cry escaped his mouth and afterwards, nothing that Chanyeol did seemed to help his situation. The child kept on weeping, causing some other children to follow his example.

“Shhh. Shhh. It’s alright. It’s alright. I’m here with you…” he kept saying, doing whatever in his power to stop him from crying, but it was no use.

“Baekhyun. I don’t think he likes me very much.” he said, walking out of the nursery, into the main hall.

“Lu Han. Come to daddy.” Baekhyun said, taking the boy into his own arms. Only after a couple of seconds, he stopped crying and became pliable at his chest.

The procedure took even longer than usual, but after 1 hour of waiting and signing forms, they three of them were out of the adoption center.

“We should go home and then do the shopping. Or maybe one of us could.” Baekhyun said as he sat right in the back of the car.

“I will. Lu han doesn’t like me very much, anyways.” Chanyeol said with bitterness in his voice. Seeing the baby with them was making everything feel so real and frightening at the same time.

“You cannot know that for sure.” Baekhyun said.

But somehow, Chanyeol was certain of that. In the end, Baekhyun remained with baby Lu Han at home, while him and Kyungsoo went out, shopping for whatever they might need. The trip took much longer than expected, as none of them exactly knew what to buy for a 6 months old child; so, in the end, they had to ask various people for advice, making sure that they were well over 40 and not seemingly able to recognize them from TV.

“He is adorable. And Baekhyun is all heart eyes.” Kyungsoo remarked and Chanyeol knew that it was the truth. He had never seen Baekhyun so happy, being totally absorbed by something or someone.

He had never been like this with him.

“They fit together. But Lu Han doesn’t like me.” Chanyeol said.

“Maybe he just needed to cry back then. You have enough time to figure it out.” Kyungsoo smiled and brushed his fingers through Chanyeol’s hair.

But even when they came back, with all the different clothes, diapers and a small bed, and Baekhyun put the baby in his arms once again, Lu Han started crying immediately.

“That’s alright. Chanyeol is your father too.” Baekhyun said, but the other was certain that it wasn’t the truth.

For some strange reason he couldn’t help but feel disconnected from the baby.

“The bed will sit in our room. That way, if he cries I can be next to him immediately.” Baekhyun said, pacing around with Lu Han in his arms. “He ate like a champion too.” he smiled.

Chanyeol walked closer to him, until his chest was pressed to Baekhyun’s back and wrapped his arms around his middle.

“I love you.” he said.

“I love you both so much. I love you, Lu Han. So-so much.” Baekhyun said and Chanyeol knew that he still couldn’t love the baby. Not yet.

During the night, Lu Han cried for more than four times, and each time Chanyeol would wake up and groggily stand up; but Baekhyun would already be with the small boy in his arms, feeding him some milk or simply holding him to the chest.

“Do you need some help?” he asked one time.

“It’s alright. Go back to sleep.”

But he couldn’t, so he kept watching them until he eventually drifted into unconsciousness.

The days kept passing slowly, as the schedule was rather relaxed and Baekhyun would only focus his attention on baby Lu Han. Most of the time, when Chanyeol would attempt to hold him in his arms, the cries would start so rapidly and end just as fast when Baekhyun would pick him up. There were no reproachful glances from the other, and Chanyeol was trying to do everything in his power to help. Throw dirty diapers in the bin, prepare the milk, clean the room, go shopping, wake up alongside Baekhyun in the middle of the night, only to be there, by his side.

But after a while, the other had stopped giving the baby to him to hold. It was right when their schedule became hectic once again, 3 months before another tiring comeback. 4 new song choreographies to learn, 10 songs to record in the studio and other small but time consuming things.

At first, Baekhyun seemed to be managing everything just fine. But then, he couldn’t.

“We should hire a nanny.” Chanyeol said one day, after Baekhyun brought Lu Han to the recording studio with them.

When everyone found out about the adoption, no one ever questioned their decision, but Chanyeol knew that they wouldn’t. It wasn’t in their group dynamic to judge their choices. Only the closest ones had that option. And that one was Kyungsoo, who wasn’t saying much about any of it. He was visiting their room from time to time, holding Lu Han in his arms as the little one didn’t seem to mind. The rest would come too, but the visits were shorter and more cordial. Baekhyun was beginning to act extremely protective of the small boy, not leaving him one second unsupervised.

So when Chanyeol suggested a nanny, the look that Baekhyun gave him made him understand that it was out of the question.

“I don’t trust a nanny with him. But we could move in with my parents.” Baekhyun said and Chanyeol knew it would come to this.

“Or you could ask your mother to come here and take care of him while we are busy. At least for now.” Chanyeol said.

“I will call her today.” Baekhyun said.

He looked tired, with heavy dark circles around his eyes and dried, chapped lips; he was even skinnier than before.

“You should go and eat. I’ll watch over Lu Han.” Chanyeol said and the other tiredly smiled at him.

Thankfully, the boy slept for the entirety of the time, and when Baekhyun came, he was just as peaceful.

“I talked to mom. She said yes.” Baekhyun said.

“I’m glad.”

Baekhyun sat right next to him on the bed and leaned on his shoulder.

“Are you happy?” he asked.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Chanyeol said. _I don’t know, Baekhyun, I don’t know. But I know that you are._

Looking at the little boy sleeping in the bed he couldn’t help but feel warmth and happiness surge through him.

“When he’ll grow up and be a big boy…can you just imagine? Him walking around, holding your hand.” Baekhyun giggled.

Later that night, Chanyeol found himself unable to fall asleep. He had been turning and shifting in the bed, but in the end he stood up and walked over to the living room. He needed an occupation.

But, as he entered the space, he noticed straight away two figures standing on the couch, one with the head leaning on the other. Kyungsoo and Jongin. He immediately left, but not before he felt a pang of jealousy surging through him. All the time, he had always been the one that Kyungsoo would stay wide awake with until early hours to watch something or play a video game. But, for some time now, he felt like he was being replaced by someone else.

He couldn’t help but think that the same thing was happening in all aspects of his life.

“Hey…are you okay?” Baekhyun whispered from the bed.

“Yeah, yeah…I just…I can’t really sleep.” Chanyeol said and crawled back next to him.

He felt a small kiss being left on his forehead, before Baekhyun snuggled closer to his chest.

“Now Lu only wakes up two times a night and at certain hours.” he giggled.

“It helps that your mom is taking care of him too.” Chanyeol said.

“Your parents and sister should come to see him too…that would be so nice.” Baekhyun mumbled and he was certain that the other was on the brinks of falling asleep.

When morning came, Chanyeol wasn’t sure when he had fallen asleep. But Baekhyun was already wide awake, cradling the child at his chest.

“Shhhh….”

Chanyeol stood up rapidly and picked his clothes, heading towards the bathroom. He looked like shit and he knew it. And thinking about the full day of practice was entirely not making him feel any better. Just worse.

The others were already in the practice room when they arrived, Kyungsoo was whispering something to Jongin, Minseok and Jongdae were laughing out loud and Sehun and Junmyeon were quietly browsing their phones.

“How’s Lu?” Junmyeon asked with a smile.

“Sleeping. My mother just came to take care of him.” Baekhyun said.

Later on, passed 9 pm, after the practice was over, Baekhyun was fallen asleep on the bed with Lu in his arms.

So, Chanyeol quietly closed the door and walked over to the living room, carrying his laptop and headphones in one hand.

Kyungsoo was already there, with Jongin next to him.

“Dude.” Jongin smiled at him.

“I’ll just go to the kitchen.” Chanyeol said and none of them commented anything on it.

He sat down on the chair and opened the device. It had been 2 months already since the adoption, and Chanyeol still couldn’t grasp the idea. Everything felt different, for whatever reason and he was more than certain that he was a bad father, if he could call himself that.

“You are sulking.” he heard Kyungsoo’s voice from behind him.

“No, I’m not.”

“Tell that to someone else.” he said and sat down next to him. “What’s the problem?”

“None.”

“Don’t start with that. I know something upsets you.” Kyungsoo said, squeezing his shoulder.

“Well…Lu Han still doesn’t like me. I feel horrible. Baekhyun…Baekhyun is a great father, but honestly, I feel like I need to compete for his attention.” Chanyeol said.

“You big baby. He is tired from everything…when Lu will grow, things will get better. You act like a little jealous kid of his new sibling or something. You are 30…act like it.” Kyungsoo said and stood up. “Stop sulking. Lu is Baekhyun’s priority now, and you know it. He should be yours too.”

The other left and Chanyeol knew that he was right. But, at the same time, he expected more than a pep talk that practically said to suck it and grow a pair of balls.

Kyungsoo was back on the couch with Jongin, the latter’s head comfortably positioned on the other’s lap. When he opened the door to the bedroom, Baekhyun was still sleeping on the bed with Lu Han his arms. There wasn’t enough space for him too, so he took a pillow and some blankets and place them onto the floor.

He truly and utterly felt horrible.

As the schedule was becoming even more hectic, even with the help of his mother, Baekhyun was barely having time for everything. Day by day he was looking more and more tired and Chanyeol couldn’t help but notice that. He was behind with his dance routines, late at everything and sometimes he would just try to practice on the hallway or in their room.

Until, one day, during their second promotion of their new song, when Baekhyun simply passed out on stage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> btw, I know almost nothing about adoption or the documents and the procedure in general, so if the part in the center is totally wrong, I'm really sorry. From what I've read online there's quite a stigma surrounding this subject in Korea, since bloodlines are so important over there. Also, I chose to not have them married only because it made much more sense to me, since gay marriage is not allowed rn in Korea.


	3. Chapter 3

Arriving at the hospital, the doctors said that everything was due to exhaustion and that he only needed some rest. Baekhyun had only spent one day in the hospital, but the entire time he could only think and talk about Lu Han. In the end, Chanyeol brought the baby boy to his room for a couple of minutes, before his mother took him back home.

After Baekhyun returned to the dorm the next day, Chanyeol attempted once again to take care of Lu Han, since the other still had trouble walking straight and not dropping most of the things on the floor. He didn’t even trust himself around the young boy.

At first, the baby kept crying each time he had been trying to feed him or change his diapers, and so he had to either pass it to Kyungsoo to make him quiet once again, or call his boyfriend’s mother for help. Baekhyun would waver around while Chanyeol would attempt to take care of their son, giving him advice or maybe even tickling Lu Han’s belly, which would finally calm the child down.

After a couple more days of struggling to make the smaller one get accustomed to him, Lu Han was beginning to not be as vocal as before when Chanyeol was handling him and, in the end, the initial repulsion came to an end. That’s how Baekhyun had found both of them sleeping on the couch, with Lu Han comfortably sitting on top of his belly, with one of Chanyeol’s arms securely wrapped around the child’s body.

He didn’t want to wake them up, so he kissed each goodnight and covered their bodies with a blanket.

After two months had passed and baby Lu Han was already 10 months old, their management eventually found out about the adoption; it wasn’t on purpose, the name just slipped passed Junmeyon’s lips one day and they both knew that the truth couldn’t be concealed anymore. Even though their manager was not particularly pleased with the idea, he allowed Baekhyun to skip all of their upcoming concerts.

“I’m going to live with my folks until you guys return. It will be better for the two of us.” Baekhyun had told Chanyeol a week before the departure to Japan.

“Oh.” it’s all that he could say in response, thinking that being away from Lu Han for a couple of weeks might destroy the connection that he had managed to create with the boy; the idea of performing abroad suddenly didn’t seem as appealing anymore.

The concerts were as exhausting as ever, and everything was even worse now that Baekhyun wasn’t there with him, by his side. He had Kyungsoo instead. To his surprise, the two of them were sharing a room, like the old times, before Chanyeol had started dating Baekhyun.

There was one single king sized bed in there, but Chanyeol didn’t entirely mind it. It had been a while since him and Kyungsoo had actually talked like real friends about real matters.

“I’m glad that Lu is warming up to you. You were totally sulking day by day.” Kyungsoo said with a smile. They were both trying to watch a movie, even though their eyelids were threatening to fall shut and nothing that the characters would have said made any sense anymore.

“Me too. He’s already saying dada and cow and cat. And Kaaai! Who taught him that?” Chanyeol laughed.

“And are you two alright?” Kyungsoo asked after a while and Chanyeol knew that it would come to this.

“Good. On the edge, sometimes. He still wants us to move in with his folks. It’s good for Lu. I get it. But I just don’t freaking want to.” Chanyeol mumbled, feeling ashamed of himself. _It would make me look like I can’t take care of them properly._  “It will drive me nuts.”

“You are still a big baby.” Kyungsoo said, rubbing his head. “You could try it…for a while. Don’t say no before you see how it is, right?”

“It’s not like our nonexistent sex life will change after that either.” he said before he could stop the words from coming out.

He didn’t want to admit it, not even to himself, that deep down he missed the amount of affection he used to receive from Baekhyun. At that point, the most they were doing was hugging each other at night, when Baekhyun wasn’t already dead from exhaustion.  

“So that’s why you’ve been showering for ages.”

“I haven’t.” Chanyeol quickly said, but he knew that it was true. He had been.

“Again. Tell him that you want to fuck from time to time. You are no robot. And the whole baby and everything else thing…it’s understandable.” Kyungsoo said.

“You’re just saying it.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Yes, you are. Plus…it would feel weird. We act like two friends with a baby. That’s all. When I walk inside, he’s either sleeping or feeding Lu or doing something important. We don’t even really talk. Not now. Damn it! I said that I’d call him.” Chanyeol slapped himself over the forehead. “11. 11…they must be sleeping…damn it!” he mumbled.

“Hey…it’s okay.” Kyungsoo said, coming closer to him.

“How’s that you didn’t choose Jongin to room with?” he asked with a small pout on his lips.

Kyungsoo brushed his fingers across his cheeks and they lingered close to the corner of his mouth. He rashly let his hand fall down beside his body.

“Because Jongin is not my sulking best friend in need of affection.” Kyungsoo laughed. His head was now fully seated on Chanyeol’s chest.

“You two are close.”

“You know Jongin. He’s great…” Kyungsoo said and Chanyeol didn’t miss the little sigh that escaped his lips. _Not as great as you are, you dumbass._

“But?”

“We are just friends. Not everybody is gay and with a kid like you two.” Kyungsoo said, harsher than he had wanted to.

“You’ll find someone too…you’re not that old.”

“Keep saying it and I’ll believe you. The time I actually had sex with someone was in Singapore. 3 years ago. I was drunk and all of you were God knows where so I fucked with a random girl. Since then, just long showers.“ Kyungsoo said and intertwined his fingers with Chanyeol’s.

He thought it felt like the old times, when it had been just the two of them, sharing everything. Then Chanyeol had fallen for Baekhyun and they slowly but surely started to drift apart.

"You could have some fun this trip…I’m sure-”

“I don’t want to have just fun, Chanyeol…I don’t.” Kyungsoo said and sighed.   _I want you._

Chanyeol knew that even though Kyungsoo wasn’t necessarily shy, he was indeed introverted. He had, for the decade he had known him, only confided in him and kept his friend circle extremely small. It was clear that for Kyungsoo finding someone to love and be loved by was harder than for Chanyeol.

“Yoora has a couple of single friends. She could…you know, set you up on dates with one or two of them.” Chanyeol said, brushing his fingers through the other’s hair.

“And they would all be in awe that I’m a celebrity. It wouldn’t…I want it to be real.” he huffed. “Did you gain weight?”

“I lost weight.”

“Oh…”

“Do you love someone then?” Chanyeol asked without even thinking about it. All those years he had known him, Kyungsoo had never seemed to be in love.

“I don’t know. It’s pointless, anyways. But why are we talking about me?” he laughed and punched Chanyeol into the ribs.

The night ended without talking about anything important but Chanyeol couldn’t help but feel sadness for his friend.

When they returned back home, Baekhyun was still staying over at his parents and so, Chanyeol took the decision that it would be good for him too to move in with them. He missed Lu han too much, and deep inside, he was scared that the boy might have forgotten him.

But, when he stepped inside the bedroom, where Baekhyun was feeding the boy, immediately the child smiled and made a couple of joyful noises.

“Heey…look who’s happy to see his father.” Baekhyun smiled, standing up. It was the first time he was using this name with him. “Isn’t dad so handsome today? Come on, give daddy a kiss.” he said and placed the boy in the other’s arms.

He felt much heavier than before and immediately his tiny hands were in his hair and all over his face.

“Lu. Dad is here. Did you miss me?”

“Dada! Dada! Dada!” the boy said, waving his chubby arms through the air.

“He grows so fast.”

“He eats so much…mom is a real help, really. And your folks visited us too. Lu really liked your sister.” Baekhyun said and came closer to them. “Didn’t you, bug?”

“Don’t call him bug.” Chanyeol said.

“Then how?”

“Bunbun.”

“That’s not…”

But the nickname somehow stuck around for the rest of the day. Chanyeol tried not to mind the fact that the small bed was still in their room and that they wouldn’t have any privacy yet again. But he was indeed happy. It finally felt like things were right where they were supposed to be.

“I missed you.” Baekhyun said to him.

Chanyeol couldn’t see his face but he was certain that the other was smiling.

“I missed you more.” Chanyeol said and kissed him on the lips. “I-I-” he tried to say, but he couldn’t. _I want to make love to you._

“What?”

“Nothing. We should sleep.” he tried to smile and kissed the top of his head.

“Yes, sir.” Baekhyun laughed.

Chanyeol was glad that the other was finally happy.

After another week, just when Chanyeol thought that everything came back to normal, everything was proven to be wrong.

“I want to take a break. Not a break. I don’t want to be in the spotlight anymore. I want to have time for Lu and I have enough money to live comfortably. I’m 30. This…everything is getting old. That’s all. Lu doesn’t need the drama.” Baekhyun had told him one day.

Chanyeol knew that he was right, but still, everything hit him and he suddenly felt idiotic. He was still living at Byun’s family’s house but going more often at their dorm to mostly talk to Kyungsoo about Baekhyun’s sudden decision.

And that’s when one night, when he came back home from rehearsals for an upcoming show, he was welcomed by an angry Baekhyun.

The house was quiet and empty and when he went upstairs, he found Baekhyun singing a lullaby to Lu Han.

“Hey…how’s Lu?” Chanyeol asked, coming closer to them.

“Why don’t you ask Kyungsoo? It seems like nowadays you discuss everything with him but not with me.” Baekhyun said, keeping his voice low.

He stood up and dragged Chanyeol outside, carefully closing the door after both of them.

“You told him.”

“I-I-”

“Why would you do that?!” Baekhyun asked him, still whispering. His chest was rapidly rising and falling.

“Because he’s my friend.”

“And I’m your boyfriend, Chanyeol. Your boyfriend. I’m the person you should be talking these things with. Because it affects me and you and not Kyungsoo.” he said, crossing his arms over the chest.

“There are some things that-”

“Like the fact that we don’t have sex? Is that what you cannot talk about with me?” Baekhyun asked, raising his voice.

“You’re going to wake Lu up.” Chanyeol said and opened the door to the spare bedroom, motioning for Baekhyun to walk inside. “He’s my best friend and I’ve always been talking with him about what worries me. It feels natural…” Chanyeol said, sitting on the bed.

“Natural? Who the fuck sleeps in the same bed with their best friends? While they are away for work? Who?!” Baekhyun said on the brinks of yelling. “Tell me, Chanyeol. Do you see me sleeping in my best friend’s room with my best friend? Cuddling with my best friend? No. Do I tell everybody that I have to fake my orgasms with you because otherwise you act like a 5 year old? No. I don’t. Because these things are between the two of us and I’m not discussing my entire relationship with the so called best friend.”

“I am not doing that. It’s not like you don’t know him. We grew up with Kyungsoo. You know that this is how we’ve always been.” Chanyeol said, standing up.

He tried to hold Baekhyun’s hand, but he didn’t let him touch him.

“Don’t. You know what I’m afraid?! That if I make you choose between me and Kyungsoo, you’ll choose him over me.”

“Baekhyun…”

“I need you Chanyeol. And I know this is not perfect and that you didn’t want a kid and that you only did it and you do it for my sake. I know. I know that you’re busy and that we barely see each other…but I need you and I feel like you don’t need me just as much.” Baekhyun said.

Chanyeol could see how Baekhyun’ body was trembling and how angrily he was biting on his lower lip to stop himself from crying.

“I love you and I need you…” Chanyeol said and wrapped his arms around Baekhyun.

“I know…it’s just that…I haven’t really felt it lately.” he mumbled.

During the days that passed, Chanyeol poorly attempted to avoid Kyungsoo. He knew that in the end he would break and say something foolish. The message behind Baekhyun’s words was clear, but his choice was not so clear in his mind.

“You are avoiding me. Badly.” Kyungsoo said.

“I’m not.”

“Yes, you are and Baekhyun talked to you. Don’t try to deny it.” Kyungsoo said, following him. _He knows._

“I’m not. He just needs some time…the departure will do him good I suppose.” Chanyeol sighed.

“You need a break too. To clear your mind.” Kyungsoo said.

“You won’t ever hate me, will you?” _Do you love me? Tell me that you love me…_

“I can’t. Truly, I will never be able to hate you, Park.” Kyungsoo said. _I will always love you._

It was like Kyungsoo guessed his thoughts and knew exactly what Baekhyun had told him. What had Baekhyun indirectly requested him. Chanyeol thought that maybe the other was right, that his closeness with Kyungsoo was not normal. Not normal when you were already in a relationship.

“See you at practice tomorrow.” Kyungsoo said and left.

Afterwards, Kyungsoo was the one avoiding him, only quick hellos and goodbyes being exchanged between the two of them. Baekhyun eventually resigned, if he could call it that way. Chanyeol could feel it in his bones and on the others’ faces too: they were all tired and sick of everything. The unwanted attention, the constant hiding, hiding of emotions. Sehun had even been living for over a year in his own apartment with his girlfriend, while Junmyeon had moved some months ago in a nice flat in Seoul. Chanyeol realized that all of them were growing up and drifting apart, ungluing themselves from the past, but only him was still trying to grab it with both hands. Everything was changing too fast and he felt like he was losing everything with it.

“Thank you.” Baekhyun told him one night when he was almost drifting to sleep.

He knew what he was thanking him for, but he kept quiet.

Lu Han was almost 24 months old a walking like a champion through the Byuns’ house, giggling and talking with such joy in his voice. He could even tell apart both of his fathers.

Chanyeol could see that Baekhyun was far more maternal and Lu Han could sense that. With him, the boy was doing whatever he desired and Chanyeol couldn’t refuse him anything. Spending time with the small boy was filling his day, and between concerts, rehearsals and being home, he didn’t have time for much else.

He even found out from Jongdae that Kyungsoo moved out of the dorm and rented an apartment with Jongin. They were still talking, exchanging small pleasantries from time to time, but each time their gazes would meet, Chanyeol could everything in the way the other was looking at him.

He missed Kyungsoo. Their midnight talks and comfortable banter.

At 36 months old, Luhan was a happy and carefree kid. That was also the moment when, at the beginning of November EXO finally came to an end. They both commonly agreed that it was not working or worth it anymore, to keep up the appearances that everything was just as before. Nothing was.

Baekhyun didn’t say much about it and neither did Chanyeol. Sehun started hosting some different variety shows and even do some movie gigs from time to time; he was even modelling for different magazines. Chanyeol was regularly meeting Jongdae and Sehun. He would only see Kyungsoo on TV, in one of his new movies. At Christmas, Kyungsoo would send him a message and a big gift for Lu Han, accompanied by a blue envelope with a letter inside. Chanyeol didn’t open them or text him back.

Junmyeon owned a restaurant, and Minseok was co-hosting a variety show with Jongdae.

Somehow, everybody was fine. He was still composing music for various smaller singers, making enough money to cozily live with Baekhyun and Lu Han in a new apartment that they had managed to buy.

Baekhyun didn’t have any plans for his future, for the moment being happy taking care of Lu Han, who was growing too fast for both of their likings. Eventually, the news spread out that Do Kyungsoo was publicly dating Kim Jongin, exactly when one of his movies won an Oscar. Chanyeol had always knew it deep down, but he still felt jealous. Baekhyun seemed to have forgotten all about their argument so one day he had invited both of them over for dinner.

“You two make the hottest couple in Korea.” Baekhyun laughed, reading the headline of a magazine.

Kyungsoo glanced at Chanyeol and for the first time in years, he didn’t avert his gaze. It seemed to say everything, from a quiet apology to a painful longing. He missed his best friend.

_I miss you too, Park. All the time._

“Lu Han adores the toys and clothes from you two. Especially that penguin onesie.” Baekhyun laughed. “Isn’t that, love?” he asked, pinching the boy’s cheek.

“Uncle Kyungsoo makes the best gifts. Daddy Yeollie is the worst at them.” the youngster said and Chanyeol immediately grabbed him from the chair and swirled him around in the air.

He felt happy. Truly and utterly happy, holding his son in his arms. Having Baekhyun by his side.

“Chanyeol...put him down. He just ate.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, as you could see, I simply cannot resist a bit of chansoo thrown in one of my fics. I can't helpt it, honestly, especially when Kyungsoo ends up with his heart broken. Anyways, I have changed quite a bit the ending that you have given in the prompt, but I hope that you don't mind that much. It sort of happened, but it felt natural to end it in this way.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are loved :)


End file.
